You know what time it is: it’s time to delve into another viral and compelling “I’m the Asshole” topic Reddit.
In case you’re not familiar with r/AmItheAsshole, it’s a place where people share their stories and ask if they’re wrong in certain (often exciting) situations.
This thread, from u/Fuzzy-Pen-1457 (henceforth referred to as OP, of the original poster), has something to do with a man who was very upset with her for letting him buy her drinks all night.
Let’s get into it. Here’s the story, according to the OP: “My girlfriend ‘Grace’ invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her and her boyfriend and one of their friends, ‘Nick’.”
We went for drinks in pairs, Grace went with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So, Nick and I had plenty of time to just talk the two of us. Nick started tonight by telling me about the recent change in his career: He decided to quit his previous job, go to boot camp on programming, and get a job as a developer a month or two ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary, and he told me that many times.”
But here’s the twist: OP is a software engineer too, something I neglected to share with Nick. “He never asked me what I’m doing at work, but he did talk a lot about his new job, sometimes saying, ‘Sorry, you don’t get it, haha.'” During the entire evening, I had never told him I had been a software engineer for the past four years because he hadn’t asked for it, and frankly, I found it a bit amusing.”
“When it comes to drinks, he invited me to every single one of them.” Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem with my developer salary.” I told him several times that he didn’t have to pay me, but he insisted.
However, things changed at the end of the night when everyone was saying goodbye to them. Nick took out his phone to add the OP on Facebook, and saw that she was also a software engineer. “He asked me if it was true that I was a software engineer, and I answered yes. He asked me why I didn’t tell him, why I let him think I was a cashier like Grace used to be (I never hinted that), and why I let him pay for everything when I might be earning more than him “.
“I told him he didn’t ask once and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job, but he just wanted to brag about it. But if he wanted me, I could pay him for drinks.”
“He was pissed and said I cheated on him. I think he did it, not me. But now Grace and her boyfriend are standing by him as well, saying it wouldn’t cost me anything to tell him so early in the evening and I kept it to myself just for my entertainment.”
People were quick to chime in with the hot comments in the comments. Many felt this guy got on Nick for not letting the OP have a word in edgewise:
“Only, perhaps, if he had bothered the STFU for five seconds, and asked her what she does for a living, he would have found out they had something in common and had been able to have a real conversation with the OP.”
—u / craftycarpenter89
“He was so focused on flaunting his job that he didn’t even bother to stop and ask about hers. IMO, paying for drinks is just an asshole tax for having to listen to him all night, sounds distasteful. (But offering to pay him back was a considerate gesture, and if that It is strictly about money, it should be enough to avoid further drama).”
—u / squeaky-to-b
Others pointed out that this situation is (unfortunately) nothing new for women in tech:
“Poor OP was in a no-profit position. Shut up and listen to him bragging, or say she’s a software engineer with four years of experience and accused of either undermining him or belittling his accomplishments or having sex with superiors to get her position.”
—u / Astra_Trillian
“As a fellow software engineer, I know what this is like, and I would do the same. I’ve sat and listened to guys brag about what they do, how much they make, and offer to buy me drinks on occasions that… frankly, if their self-worth was based on their job And they didn’t ask about your job (I’ll also tell them if they ask, they never will), they deserve it.”
—u / NeverIncorrectBanana
Some can’t help but notice the sexism in everything:
“You didn’t ask him to pay for your drinks, you told him he didn’t have to. He insisted. He was sexist assuming you don’t have a job that makes you feel comfortable (especially comfortable enough to buy your drinks!). He was bragging and bragging – only to find out he was cheating. Himself “.
– u / arden
Finally, someone pointed out that Nick pretty much revealed himself the second time he made her spin around:
“If they’ve been talking for hours and the OP never asks about their job, that’s a huge red flag.”
—u / b_digital